emptiness!!

i have just returned from india. it was quite a disastrous trip! started doing fieldwork and then fell sick...more than physical sickness it was something deelply painful and agonising...due to complications i had to break off with a person who is very dear to me.. for last two years we had a difficult relationship, i couldnt clarify its status to him making him extremely frustrated, so this time i somehow gathered the courage to confess that it was extremely hard to promise anything, things were not going to work out and he should take his own decision. God how it hurt to do that!! why is life so cruel?? i have known him for so many years and things had to happen at this stage in our life!! i just dont know how to cope up with this loss...i am trying to convince myself that things will be ok, but deep down i know they will not be...