emptiness!!

i have just returned from india. it was quite a disastrous trip! started doing fieldwork and then fell sick...more than physical sickness it was something deelply painful and agonising...due to complications i had to break off with a person who is very dear to me.. for last two years we had a difficult relationship, i couldnt clarify its status to him making him extremely frustrated, so this time i somehow gathered the courage to confess that it was extremely hard to promise anything, things were not going to work out and he should take his own decision. God how it hurt to do that!! why is life so cruel?? i have known him for so many years and things had to happen at this stage in our life!! i just dont know how to cope up with this loss...i am trying to convince myself that things will be ok, but deep down i know they will not be...

melancholy night...

Gosh! I am almost feeling like a kid attending the school on the first day!! For many months I have been thinking about blogging, but the fear of unknown held me back..why start now? in this cold English weather when even spirits fail to boost up morale one tends to look for adventure...

On a melancholy night sitting in your cold room you ask yourself questions that you have no courage to answer honestly...you wonder what are you doing here in a prestigious academic institution with prestigious scholarship? people expect you to be knowledgable and intelligent, but what do you when you feel you are neither? what do you when you know that you can do better but something holds you back?

On a melancholy night you wonder since when you stopped making your own rules and got caught up in this phony world? Since when you started feeling uneasy in the company of your own self?

On such a melancholy night you struggle for honest answers.....